But what about when you don’t know what it is?
God, its like it doesn’t get better ever.
you find new drugs, you find new ways, you continue to feel lke shit about what you do but do nothing to stop it.
what do you do when you just have nothing left to give, theres no more gas in this engine, and im so afraid of what happens when it’s all completely gone.
I don’t see any way of ever making sense of all the things in my head, and i know it will never happen.
I can’t even sleep normally, even with pills.
You know you’re an adult when It’s 3AM and your crying, drunk, watching barney wondering where your childhood went.
You always think your at the end until your there.
This is it, if this feeling doesn’t go away by 12pm if that. i’m doin it,
That’s when you know, it has nothing to do with people, friends family. All the expectations and the ability to fail at every turn.
and It’s finally going to stop :)

